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Does Word Order Matter? Think “Short to Long”

November 5, 2019 by Barbara McNichol Leave a Comment

by Barbara McNichol

When polishing your sentences, pay attention to the nuances of word order. Yes, it matters!

As someone who has edited more than 350 nonfiction books, to my eye (and ear), placing “short” before “long” works best. This applies to both sentences and lists.

Here’s a simple example from a recent book I edited:

“He was well respected and loved in the academic community.”

I changed it to:

“He was loved and well respected in the academic community.”

Because “loved” is 5 letters and “well respected” is 13, it makes for a smoother read if the longer phrase follows the shorter word. See if you agree.

Another example:

“Good leaders don’t waste time, effort, financial resources, or opportunities.”

This becomes:

“Good leaders don’t waste time, effort, opportunities, or financial resources.” This shift creates a tidy parade of words from short to long.

Word Order in Lists

In addition, a list is visually easier to follow when the line length goes from short to long. This example is from a leadership newsletter:

It would be counterproductive if you:

  • Take the time to plan your day, but you don’t follow the plan.
  • Hire people to do a job but don’t take time training them to do that job.
  • Have slow-moving products in your inventory that generate low margins.
  • Conduct an employee engagement survey and do nothing with the results.
  • Attend a trade show to network with customers but spend your time on the phone.

To get a feel for how adjectives line up best in a sentence, this blog post summarizes it beautifully: http://barbaramcnichol.com/2017/11/02/order-place-adjectives-sentence-explained/

For even more tips, go to http://barbaramcnichol.com/2016/03/06/5-writing-tips-to-improve-your-readability/

Key message: Better writing means paying attention to the best use of word order!

Filed Under: Writing Tips Tagged With: best word order, better writing, business writing, business writing skills, nonfiction book editing, nonfiction writing, word order, word order in lists, writing lists

Whack Wordiness: Keep Your Writing Motor Running

May 23, 2010 by Barbara McNichol Leave a Comment

by Barbara McNichol
 

“Writings are useless unless they are read, and they cannot be read unless they are readable.” – Theodore Roosevelt

After encouraging writers to quit rambling when crafting their paragraphs and chapters, I want to make sure you don’t stall out.

What techniques can keep your motor running smoothly? Take these four tips to heart.

1. One Thought, One Sentence

2. Steer on the Sunny Side

3. Build Bridges to Guide Your Reader

4. Place Strongest Words at End

1. One Thought, One Sentence

Unless you’re a novelist whose style calls for long, descriptive sentences, in the nonfiction world, it’s best to express one thought in one sentence and end it. Spend another sentence on the next thought, and so on. Keep your prose moving forward with short, succinct sentences.

2. Steer on the Sunny Side

It’s hard for readers to track what’s being written when it’s stated in a negative way. And most of the time, negative statements require a lot more words to make a point. Avoid using “no” and “not” except when you strongly want to emphasize or contrast something.

Negative: The answer does not lie with their carelessness or incompetence.

Better: The answer lies in having enough people to do the job.

Negative: We can’t incorporate all the design features without increasing the unit size.

Better: To provide all the design features, we have increased the unit size.

3. Build Bridges to Guide Your Reader

Since your goal is to whack wordiness, you may consider bridge words and phrases extraneous. Yet, the transitions from one sentence to another do keep your motor running and should be kept in high gear. Why? They create logical links that smooth the road like a well-maintained highway.

Examples of bridge words that . . .

connect two ideas of the same kind         and, plus, as well as

add another thought        besides, also, what’s more, besides, then, again,

compare or contrast ideas    but, still, however, yet, rather, likewise

 reinforce an idea             indeed, in fact, of course, by all means

show results                          as a result, consequently, thus, hence

 4. Place Strongest Words at End

Consider placing your most prominent words at the end of your sentence. Doing so provides emphasis and helps push your writing from one new idea to the next. E.g., “With your new ability to whack wordiness, you’ll drive smoothly toward your writing destination.” The main message hinges on “drive smoothly” rather than on the support statement “with your new ability . . .” It strengthens your intent.

 

Filed Under: Writing Tips Tagged With: bridge words, nonfiction writing, one thought one sentence, strongest words, Whack Wordiness

Who’s This Book For, Anyway?

April 11, 2010 by Barbara McNichol Leave a Comment

by Barbara McNichol

Do you admire people who do what so many only dream of—write a definitive nonfiction book on a subject they care passionately about ?

These experts also care enough to turn their manuscripts over to an editor for improving structure, tone, clarity, word choice, and more. Yet even with all these elements smoothed out, they can undermine their whole effort if they craft their writing strictly from their own point of view.

If it’s all about you, the writer, it’s time to ask: Who’s this book for, anyway?

Writing from an “I” Point of View

Yes, it’s natural to craft stories from an “I” point of view. After all, these stories are based on your life experiences that you generously want to share. But your readers will find each story and its underlying message far more engaging if you, as its creator, take a back seat and put them in the front. Write from their point of view, not your own.

Do you habitually start paragraphs with statements like “I want you to . . . ” or “I’ve created this to . . . ” or “I have done the research and I’m telling you that . . . .”? If so, you’re dictating, not persuading—plus you risk not engaging readers in what you passionately want to say. Instead, shift into a style that puts them in the front seat. For example:

  • “I want you to understand the importance of eating well . . . ” becomes “You’ll understand the importance of eating well by . . .”
  • “I’ve created this streamlined recipe to save you time” becomes “You’ll save time using this streamlined recipe.”
  • “I have done the research and I’m telling you that . . . ” becomes “From recent research, you can see that  . . . ”

First Person Count

To determine if you’re unknowingly dictating and not persuading, take this one action: Select a chapter you’ve written and count the number of times you used first person (I, my, mine, we, our). Then count the number of times you wrote in the second person (you, your, yours).

A high percentage of “yous”–the higher the better–puts your readers in the front seat. Bydoing this, you’re more likely to engage them in the subject you feel passionate about and make writing your nonfiction book worthwhile.

(excluding examples, 17 “yous” in this post and 0 “I’s”)

Barbara McNichol edits nonfiction books in the areas of business, self-help, how to, health, and more. Contact her at editor@barbaramcnichol.com

Filed Under: Book Writing Tagged With: Barbara McNichol, nonfiction writing, point of view, readers

Whack Wordiness: Eliminate Extraneous Phrases

March 12, 2010 by Barbara McNichol Leave a Comment

by Barbara McNichol

As you revise, proofread, and finalize what you’ve written, whack all the extra words you can to sharpen your message in compelling ways.

Eliminate extraneous phrases such as:

“there is” and “there will be”
e.g., There will be many candidates who are already planning to move. Better: Many candidates may be already planning to move.

“It is all about”; “the fact of the matter is”; “the fact that”
e.g., The fact of the matter is that it’s unwise to go out carousing. Better: It’s unwise to go out carousing.

“in regards to”
e.g., There may be additional sites you should seek out in regards to your industry. Better: Seek additional sites related to your industry.

“is going to”
e.g., He is going to be a key asset. Better: He will be a key asset.

“in order to”
e.g., Add key words in order to describe the new position. Better: Add key words to describe the new position.

“is intended to, meant to, designed to”
e.g., Prescreening is intended to focus on key aspects of the position. Better: Prescreening focuses on key aspects of the position.

“the reason why is that . . .” (a simple “because” will suffice)

Take out these wobbly words whenever you can:

some “We rely on some long-standing methods.”

much “Jobs posted on the internet reach a much larger audience.”

very “Get ready to do a very good job.”
quite a few “It’s been quite a few days since we spoke.” Be specific; use a number.

that “Find information that you can apply easily.”

Note: The word that doesn’t substitute for who when referring to a human being. E.g., “. . . a person that plays the piano” should be “a person who plays the piano.”

Knock out redundancies such as:

end result
add more
tally up
future
plan
absolute guarantee
alongside of
ask yourself
at the present time
spell out in detail
sum total
visible to the eye

Think of these extra words as layers of onion skin before you get to the usable part. Peel them from your writing. – Diana Booher, Booher’s Rules of Business Grammar

Replace phrases with single words where appropriate:

“a great number of” with “many”
“ahead of schedule” with “early”
“during the time that” with “while”
“give consideration to” with “consider”
“in spite of the fact that” with “although”

Change nouns to verbs:
“the examination of” becomes “examine”
“reach a decision” becomes “decide”
“the transformation of” becomes “transform”
“the reorganization of” becomes “reorganize”

Revise long-winded sentences:
Chop a long sentence into two – and make sure they both sound correct!
Combine thoughts and ideas when you can.
Question every single word – especially every adverb and adjective.
Take out the ones that don’t add to the meaning.

Rout out words that are inadvertently used twice:
“Following a process for hiring, we followed his techniques.” Better: “Following a process for hiring, we adopted his techniques.”
“Hoping for warm weather, we hoped to book our vacation in the south.” Better: “Hoping for warm weather, we booked our vacation in the south.”

Let absolutes be absolute:
e.g., Ever heard someone say “his bucket is emptier (or more empty) than mine”? How can something be emptier than empty? The same holds true for all absolute words. Drop the “less” or “more” in front of these:

perfect
unique
equal
final
first
last

Get rid of tag-ons to verbs:
continue on
refer back to
grouped together
open up
cancel out
first
began

Employ these tips today and you’ll see how quickly your writing improves!

##

“Barbara McNichol’s teleclass Whack Wordiness was extremely valuable and brilliantly presented. Barbara has been the editor of my book, several articles and letters. I would not send out anything important without getting Barbara’s expertise and keen eye for perfection first.” – Maureen Minnehan Jones

Filed Under: Writing Tips Tagged With: long-winded sentences, nonfiction writing, redundancy, wobbly words, wordiness

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