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Are You Giving Praise or Gratitude? How This Makes Everyone Better Versions of Themselves

February 12, 2020 by Barbara McNichol

By Lynne Franklin (reprinted with permission)   

Kathy was my first assistant when I was working at a public relations agency in my twenties. I made a point of writing thank-you notes to her when she finished something for me.

Walking through the office one day, I heard Kathy talking to another assistant. She said, “Lynne writes me thank-you notes for everything. That makes them all kind of meaningless.”

I was shocked! I thought I was being a good supervisor … Not knowing what to do, I never discussed this with Kathy and just wrote fewer of them.

What’s the Difference?

Praise is defined as “the expression of warm approval or admiration.” It comes from the Latin pretium, meaning “reward, prize, value, worth.”

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Its root is the Latin gratus, for “pleasing, agreeable, thankful, grace.”

If this seems like so much hair splitting, here’s the sense I make of it. Praise recognizes something a person has done. Gratitude is about the meaning of what they do and who they are to you.

With that in mind, I can see how my notes fell short for Kathy. They didn’t show approval or admiration of her work. Nor did they show appreciation or a wish to be kind back. She was right: my scribbles were a meaningless pleasantry that made me feel good.

Our Brains on Gratitude

Here’s the great thing. Gratitude is a gift to the giver and receiver.

It stimulates both brains to produce the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, which make us feel good and boosts our moods. It also reduces fear and anxiety by lowering the amount of stress hormones in our systems.

When we practice gratitude every day, this rewires our brains. We strengthen these neural pathways, making us more grateful and positive by default. (This affects the people around us, because moods are contagious.)

Then we all get the documented benefits of gratitude:

  1. Being happier—having more positive emotions and thoughts, becoming more aware and awake, feeling greater satisfaction with ourselves, enhancing our mood
  2. Being healthier—building a stronger immune system, having fewer aches and pains, having optimum blood pressure and heart function, experiencing better sleeping and waking cycles
  3. Being better versions of ourselves—improving our communication with others, having more empathy, having stronger relationships, being more likeable, being a more involved team member

What Now?

Don’t make my mistake of sending thoughtless thank yous. Whether giving praise or gratitude, be specific:

  • Praise—“You did a great job of leading that meeting, Kathy. You kept things moving. We got a lot done—on time! And now everyone knows what to do next.”
  • Gratitude—”You’re an inspiring leader, Kathy. This meeting is a great example. Not only did you get everything covered in an hour, but you made sure we all felt involved in the solution and know what to do next. I’m so happy to be part of your team because we’re making a difference!”

Look for opportunities to express gratitude. It could be a comment—face-to-face or phone/Zoom/Skype. It could be a note—which has even more impact when you deliver it in person, or even read it out loud to the recipient first. It could even be thinking about someone and thanking that person in your head. And don’t forget to regularly send yourself a note or thought of gratitude.

Make gratitude a practice. Some people keep gratitude journals, where they write what happened this day or week that they’re grateful for. Or they have a “gratitude partner” whom they regularly discuss this. Whatever path you choose, focus on how these instances made you feel.

In the middle of your over-busy day, take time to notice and express appreciation. Consider it the emotional equivalent of the boost you get from coffee or chocolate—without the calories!

****

Lynne Franklin is a communications expert who can increase your persuasiveness in three ways:

  • Speeches, workshops and coaching that give you tools you can use right away
  • Strategies that help you turn difficult business communications into opportunities to succeed
  • Written and spoken communications created to reach your corporate and marketing communication goals

Get more people to do what you want. Let Lynne show you how. Call 847-729-5716

Filed Under: Writing Tips Tagged With: better writing, language for professionals, Lynne Franklin, nonfiction book editing, praise or gratitude, professional book editor, word difference, word distinction

Don’t Make Me Get Out the Red Pen!

August 1, 2018 by Barbara McNichol Leave a Comment

by Lynne Franklin (used with permission)

Here’s the truth. No one wants to read what you write. Everyone is time-starved. For many, the best moments in the day are when we see an email we don’t have to read and can hit “delete.”

Because we’re overwhelmed, we write something, give it a quick look, and then hit “send.” We forget that we’re writing to persuade people to do something – not noticing that what we’ve created just made it harder for them to agree with us. One of our chief sins is …

Being Boring

Kill the Clichés. When you use these, you scream, “I have no original thoughts! I’m doing this on autopilot.” Why would anyone want to read further – let alone care what you think?

Make a better choice. Switch “at this time” to “now.” Change “attached please find” to “here is.” Drop “it has come to our attention” for “we understand.” You’ll notice this already makes your writing more succinct, which you’ll need to …

Stop Droning On. It’s neuroscience. Once a sentence passes the 25-word mark, you can’t remember the subject. (Or maybe you just no longer want to.) Aim for an average of 10- to 12-word sentences in reports and speeches, and eight-to-10 words in emails.

Don’t think that commas, dashes and semicolons can save you. It’s true: the first two give your readers a place to take a breath in their minds. But don’t abuse this tactic. Cut that longer sentence into two. And generally avoid using semicolons. They mostly confuse people – and could lead to arguments with English majors (who will be happy to tell you when you’ve used them incorrectly).

Watch the length of your paragraphs. Few things are as discouraging as seeing one that goes on for 20 lines. I once reviewed a document with a 265-word sentence, in a paragraph that lasted a page (single-spaced). I was the only person who read it. While I forgot the subject 10 times, I remembered the ire it engendered.

Get to the Good Stuff Fast. Before you begin, consider what your readers know. If you must, reference important shared knowledge quickly. But spend most of your time on new ideas. Telling people what they already know – at length – bores them or makes them think you’re talking down to them. They’ll either stop reading (because they’re not learning anything) or get angry with you.

A colleague once explained it this way: “Reading his writing was like taking the local versus the express bus.” Most non-engineers don’t need to get into the weeds on the hows or whys of something. Focus on what’s in it for your reader, then decide what to keep or junk.

It’s a Conversation

Read Your Writing Out Loud. Watch for the words that stumble off your lips – or when this is language you’d never ordinarily use. (“Pursuant” anyone?) Change those kinds of words.

Often your writing is the conversation you have with someone on screen or paper before you have the conversation on the phone or in person. Don’t bore them. You’ll miss the chance at that second conversation – and getting what you want.

Lynne Franklin teaches you how to be the most persuasive person in the room. She is the author of Getting Others To Do What You Want. You can reach her through her website at www.lynnefranklin.com

What ways do you avoid boring your readers?

Filed Under: Business Writing Tagged With: better writing, clear writing, good writing techniques, In Communicado, Lynne Franklin, nonfiction book edictor, persuasive communication, persuasive writing, red pen, red pen editor

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