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Are You Giving Praise or Gratitude? How This Makes Everyone Better Versions of Themselves

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By Lynne Franklin (reprinted with permission)   

Kathy was my first assistant when I was working at a public relations agency in my twenties. I made a point of writing thank-you notes to her when she finished something for me.

Walking through the office one day, I heard Kathy talking to another assistant. She said, “Lynne writes me thank-you notes for everything. That makes them all kind of meaningless.”

I was shocked! I thought I was being a good supervisor … Not knowing what to do, I never discussed this with Kathy and just wrote fewer of them.

What’s the Difference?

Praise is defined as “the expression of warm approval or admiration.” It comes from the Latin pretium, meaning “reward, prize, value, worth.”

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Its root is the Latin gratus, for “pleasing, agreeable, thankful, grace.”

If this seems like so much hair splitting, here’s the sense I make of it. Praise recognizes something a person has done. Gratitude is about the meaning of what they do and who they are to you.

With that in mind, I can see how my notes fell short for Kathy. They didn’t show approval or admiration of her work. Nor did they show appreciation or a wish to be kind back. She was right: my scribbles were a meaningless pleasantry that made me feel good.

Our Brains on Gratitude

Here’s the great thing. Gratitude is a gift to the giver and receiver.

It stimulates both brains to produce the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, which make us feel good and boosts our moods. It also reduces fear and anxiety by lowering the amount of stress hormones in our systems.

When we practice gratitude every day, this rewires our brains. We strengthen these neural pathways, making us more grateful and positive by default. (This affects the people around us, because moods are contagious.)

Then we all get the documented benefits of gratitude:

  1. Being happier—having more positive emotions and thoughts, becoming more aware and awake, feeling greater satisfaction with ourselves, enhancing our mood
  2. Being healthier—building a stronger immune system, having fewer aches and pains, having optimum blood pressure and heart function, experiencing better sleeping and waking cycles
  3. Being better versions of ourselves—improving our communication with others, having more empathy, having stronger relationships, being more likeable, being a more involved team member

What Now?

Don’t make my mistake of sending thoughtless thank yous. Whether giving praise or gratitude, be specific:

  • Praise—“You did a great job of leading that meeting, Kathy. You kept things moving. We got a lot done—on time! And now everyone knows what to do next.”
  • Gratitude—”You’re an inspiring leader, Kathy. This meeting is a great example. Not only did you get everything covered in an hour, but you made sure we all felt involved in the solution and know what to do next. I’m so happy to be part of your team because we’re making a difference!”

Look for opportunities to express gratitude. It could be a comment—face-to-face or phone/Zoom/Skype. It could be a note—which has even more impact when you deliver it in person, or even read it out loud to the recipient first. It could even be thinking about someone and thanking that person in your head. And don’t forget to regularly send yourself a note or thought of gratitude.

Make gratitude a practice. Some people keep gratitude journals, where they write what happened this day or week that they’re grateful for. Or they have a “gratitude partner” whom they regularly discuss this. Whatever path you choose, focus on how these instances made you feel.

In the middle of your over-busy day, take time to notice and express appreciation. Consider it the emotional equivalent of the boost you get from coffee or chocolate—without the calories!

****

Lynne Franklin is a communications expert who can increase your persuasiveness in three ways:

  • Speeches, workshops and coaching that give you tools you can use right away
  • Strategies that help you turn difficult business communications into opportunities to succeed
  • Written and spoken communications created to reach your corporate and marketing communication goals

Get more people to do what you want. Let Lynne show you how. Call 847-729-5716

Poor Writing Means Your Credibility Is at Stake!

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by Barbara McNichol

The clarity of your writing reflects your credibility and reputation in the eyes of your readers. How can you craft your messages to be as effective as possible?

You’ll make a difference by applying these five techniques today.

  1. Make your opening sentence compelling.

It starts with knowing your reader—a boss, a coworker, a buyer of your nonfiction book. A rambling introduction will lose them; stick to addressing their needs and interests.

  1. Think through your message thoroughly before writing the first word.

Start by completing an outline that details answers to these questions: Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How. This will help you think through all aspects of your message and make it easier and faster to write. You’ve already done the hard work!

  1. Use “you” in your messages to make them more personal.

Successful salespeople use “you” more than “I” and so should you. Scan your message for variations of the word “I” before sending or publishing it. Rework every “I,” “my,” “our,” “me” to emphasize “you,” “your,” and “you’re.”

Instead of: “When I create my schedule, I set up time with myself.” Write: “When you create your schedule, you set up time with yourself.”

  1. Don’t make your reader work hard to understand your message.

That means eliminating run-on sentences, overwritten paragraphs, and passive sentence construction. How can you test this? Remove certain words and see it your sentence still works. Experiment. You’ll likely find fewer words gets the job done better!

Instead of: “If you have co-workers who are well-organized, their productivity levels can go through the roof when they work remotely.” Write: “Well-organized co-workers are more productive working remotely.” (See how you’ve turned a 19-word sentence into an 8-word sentence without changing the meaning?)

  1. Write correctly so readers don’t trip up on your intended meaning.

How often do you see or hear words used incorrectly? A lot! Your reputation suffers if you don’t get them right.

For example: “Everyday” means common or normal while “every day” means today, tomorrow, next day, etc. Or “stationary” (something that stands still) versus “stationery” (something you write on). I call these Word Trippers because they keep tripping us up! (Want a quick reference to help you be correct every time? Go to www.wordtrippers.com or www.barbaramcnichol.com/word-trippers)

Find ways to write better; your credibility is at stake.

Is your writing pompous?

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by Barbara McNichol

You can sound knowledgeable without sounding pompous... Here's how

 

You can sound knowledgeable without sounding pompous...here’s how.

There’s a fine line in communication – whether it’s in a non-fiction book or email at work – between sounding knowledgeable and sounding pompous.

Have you crossed that line? There are some common phrases to avoid if you don’t want to come across as arrogant or condescending.

It’s important that you temper your language when writing. You don’t have the benefit of voice intonation, hand gestures, emotions…all the things that impact a face-to-face encounter with your audience. 

If you give off the wrong signals in person, you have an immediate opportunity to correct your misstep.

That can’t be said of your writing. Once you’ve pressed “Send”, mailed the letter, circulated the memo or published the book, your opportunity to explain your intent has passed.

You don’t want to set a tone that can be misconstrued if you’re not there to explain what you meant.

There are several phrases you can avoid – they pad your writing with extra words but don’t add any meaning to your message.

Here are 12 phrases to avoid that will save you from sounding pompous:

  1. Not to mention… Okay, then don’t mention it.
  2. It goes without saying… Right, then don’t say it.
  3. If I may say so… Well, since you’re the author, of course, you can say so.
  4. I believe that… Now the reader wonders if your message is based in facts.
  5. In my humble opinion… An automatic signal that you’re not feeling humble.
  6. To tell the truth… Implies you’ve lied to your reader in the past. 
  7. To be honest with you… Again, a suggestion that you’ve been dishonest.
  8. For the record… If you’re not under oath you don’t need this qualifier.
  9. Let me be perfectly clear… Usually followed by complete bafflegab.
  10. This may sound stupid but… Check yourself, the rest of that sentence probably sounds stupid.
  11. With all due respect… The prelude to an insult, no respect implied or taken.
  12. In other words… The worst culprit. Just use the right words the first time.

Take these pompous-sounding “fillers” out of your writing to avoid confusion and gain clarity in your writing. This is particularly helpful in business communication, approach your reader assuming they’re pressed for time. They need information, not prose or poetry.

Are there other “filler phrases” that make writing sound pompous? Share them in the comments section below or send them along and I’ll add them to the list.

If you’d like help honing your writing skills, feel free to contact me and sign up for my Word Tripper Tips – they’ll improve your writing instantly!  

Did you find this article helpful? Here are three others you’ll enjoy:

Why Use Active Verbs Instead of Passive?

Mixing Singular with Plural: Keep the Old Rules with Some New Tricks

Better Word Choices for Better Writing

This article was originally published on September 22nd, 2016, and has been updated. 

Why Use Active Verbs Instead of Passive?

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Active verbs motivate your reader to take action when the time is right
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
by Barbara McNichol

Active verbs.

Your English teacher begged, cajoled, implored, beseeched you to use them in your writing. 

And when you’re writing poetry or prose, playing with the English language is wonderful.

But when you’re writing non-fiction books or business reports, you want your reader to engage. You have to choose language that will hook them and keep them following along with your message.

That’s when active verbs come into play. Using them is critically important in book writing and daily business communication.

What do you mean by active – versus passive – verbs?

Here’s a quick summary. 

Active verbs:

  • Declare who or what is (or should be) performing the action you’re suggesting.
  • Help your reader “get to the point” more quickly.
  • Tend to eliminate extra words.

How can you identify passive verbs? Think, “To be, or not to be; that is the question.”

It’s a seminal phrase in Shakespeare’s prose and has its place in literature, but any use of the verb “to be” in business communication is passive and doesn’t inspire action.

Still confused? That’s okay, the rules of English grammar are a challenge, even for those of us who practice it for a living! 

So here are two examples of passive versus active verbs in a sentence:

Passive: The juicy watermelon was eaten by the boy.

Active: The boy chomped into the watermelon’s juicy belly.

Passive: Employees are seen by their managers as responsive and enthusiastic.

Active: Managers see their employees as responsive and enthusiastic.

When you want to place emphasis on the object of the sentence, passive verbs help. 

In these examples, do you see how the passive verb puts emphasis on the watermelon and the employees while the active verbs place the emphasis on the boy and the managers?

It changes the perspective for the reader. And as the writer, you have to ask what you want them to care about?

Own the problem.

In stripped-down terms, not owning the problem is called “passing the buck.”

Passive verbs can be used to hide the person – or people – responsible for a mistake or lack of action. Worse yet, they can be used to validate inaction. For example, when you sign a lease, you’ll likely see a clause along these lines:

“The rules for the homeowners will be enforced.”

Rules by whom?

Or you might have received a message like this during your workday:

“Mistakes were being made that resulted in a failure to comply with regulations.”

Mistakes by whom?

Do you see how the ambiguity of the passive verb lays a foundation for poor business relationships?

What active sentence structure works?

A general pattern for a sentence employs an active verb rather than a passive one. It’s typically “subject + verb + direct object.”

Here’s an example:

“The landlord (subject) will implement (verb) the new safety protocol (object) to ensure renter safety.”

This sentence makes it clear that the landlord is responsible for the actions detailed in the contract.

Now it’s your turn.

Here’s an example of a passive verb. Using the tips I’ve shared, change the sentence to one in which the verb is active and then send me your response.

Passive: “This policy is being implemented in an effort to streamline our process.”

Active: _________________________________________________________

I look forward to hearing from you!

If you found this article helpful, you might enjoy these:

How to Wake up 16 Boring Verbs

Mixing Singular with Plural: Keep the Old Rules With Some New Tricks

Better Word Choices For Better Writing

Mixing Singular with Plural: Keep the Old Rules with Some New Tricks

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by Barbara McNichol

English grammar matters – and it’s easy to follow the rules.

When it comes to English grammar, disagreements show up in writing and editing all the time – and mainstream media has blurred the lines along the way. 

I can hear you saying, “Fine, but why does it matter?” 

Well, precision in language is important, because an exception on one platform – a printed newspaper article or spoken news broadcast, for example – will have different repercussions than an exception in an academic paper, a technical manual, or a formal business document.

If you’re creating content on one platform that doesn’t adhere to basic English grammar rules and suddenly find yourself in a situation, at work or in university, where you’re expected to follow them to the letter you’ll be at a disadvantage. 

By following the basic rules of English grammar at all times you will establish yourself as an authoritative, clear, and precise communicator. And there are some simple ways to stay on the right side of grammar rules, but first…

What does the media have to do with it?

As I mentioned, mainstream media has influenced English grammar. 

The Associated Press (AP) Stylebook gave writers the green light to use one disagreement: the plural pronoun “they” as a singular noun. This change came about because of issues surrounding gender identity, and it’s a worthy endeavour to represent people more accurately. 

AP’s solution to this shift is to substitute:

  • He or she with “they”
  • His or hers with “theirs”
  • Him or her with “them”

The Stylebook suggests that writers use the person’s name wherever possible if they’ve asked to not be identified by gender. Further, when using the plural pronoun in place of the singular pronoun, to be sure the reader understands you’re talking about one person, not several. 

In theory, this leaves less room for ambiguity on the reader’s part when he or she is taking meaning away from a news item.

Grammar experts are asking themselves…

Why is this necessary?

It’s a fair question. 

Isn’t it more important to follow English grammar norms – especially when there are easy fixes to some common problems?

Here are some common examples of noun/pronoun disagreement, and the simple solution: 

 

  • “We want the school board to do their job.”

 

Problem? It’s one school board, not several. Here are two potential fixes for this grammatical error:

“We want the school board to do its job.” 

“We want the school board members to do their job.”

 

  • “Your reader can peruse your book at their leisure.”

 

Problem? There’s only one reader, not several. Here are grammatically correct alternatives:

“Your readers can peruse your book at their leisure.”

“Your reader can peruse the book at his or her leisure.”

In order to keep agreements in place – to not switch between singular and plural – when dealing with gender identity, you can use these writing tips:

  • Use the person’s name instead of a pronoun.
  • If you don’t know the gender (or preference) of the person you’re citing, use “his or her”, “he or she” or even “s/he” – they’re all grammatically correct.
  • Alternate between masculine and feminine pronouns – I edited a book for an author writing about raising a baby who did this seamlessly.

Just because it’s old…

You could argue that it’s not relevant to hang on to the “old” English grammar rules and it’s true that they have flexed and changed slightly over time. But it’s wise to hang onto those basic rules, and there are ways to adapt your message to current communication standards without abandoning the basics.

I’ve got a handy Pronoun Chart you can use if you’re in doubt – request one here.

Finally, I’d like to know what you think. Given our ever-changing language, would you side with the exceptions the AP Stylebook offers, or do you prefer to put accuracy above all in your writing?

Did you enjoy this article? Here are three more you might find useful:

Better Word Choices For Better Writing

Does Word Order Matter? Think Short to Long

The Pros and Cons of Using the Oxford Comma

 

Which is Correct? Me, Myself, or I

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by Kathleen Watson (guest blogger)

Did you as a child ever say, “Me and Billy wanna go for a bike ride!” and have your mom admonish: “Billy and I.”

What about, “Can me and Suzie have a popsicle?” and your mom corrected you, “Suzie and I.”

Mom no doubt was trying to teach you the courtesy of mentioning the other child’s name first, but your brain might have been imprinted to avoid me.

No wonder so many of us steer clear of me in places where it truly is the correct choice. The problem: We’re supposed to know better by the time we grow up and communicate with adults in the business world. These tips will help you get it right.

Subjects and Objects

Let’s start with a brief definition of two terms: subject and object

A subject is the doer of the action in a sentence:
I | she | he | they

An object is the receiver of the action in a sentence:
me | her | him | them

I hear him. She sees them. He called me.

Me and I have another grammatical role: They are pronouns. They refer to and stand in for the name of someone or something mentioned previously. Other pronouns are you, he, she, we, him, her, us, they, them and it.

Me vs. I

The following examples show how difficult it can be to choose the right pronoun when the choice is me or I:

My boss (subject) is taking Sarah (object) and I (oops: subject) to lunch.
My boss (subject) is taking Sarah (object) and me (object) to lunch.

She (subject) demonstrated the new software to Rob (object) and I (oops: subject).
She (subject) demonstrated the new software to Rob (object) and me (object).

The easiest way to choose the right pronoun is to eliminate Sarah or Rob. Your ear will help you decide what sounds right:

no: My boss is taking I to lunch.
yes: My boss is taking  me to lunch.

no: She demonstrated the new software to I.
yes: She demonstrated the new software to me.

In the above sets of examples, my boss and she are the subjects, the doers of the action; me is the object, the receiver of action.

There are other cases where choosing between me and I can be difficult. Which is correct in these examples?

Jeff likes ice cream more than I.
Jeff likes ice cream more than me.

Does the writer mean:
Jeff likes ice cream more than I [like ice cream], or Jeff likes ice cream more than [he likes] me?

Simply adding the implied “do” makes it clear:

Jeff likes ice cream more than I [do].

Some grammarians consider either me or I acceptable in this kind of sentence construction. I’m not one of them, because I believe using me can leave room for misinterpretation.

She knows Steve better than me.
(She knows Steve better than she knows me?)
(She knows Steve better than I know Steve?)
She knows Steve better than I [do].

He loves baseball more than me.
(He loves baseball more than he loves me?)
(He loves baseball more than I love baseball?)
He loves baseball more than I [do].

Me vs. Myself

Have you ever received messages like these:

Call Ryan or myself if you have questions.
Thank you for notifying Claire and myself about the incident.
Myself and my team are meeting his afternoon.

Myself is a reflexive pronoun belonging to a category of words that end in self or selves. Reflexive pronouns often are used when the subject and object of a sentence are the same. They also help create emphasis.

I myself would never take an unnecessary sick day.
She allowed herself the luxury of a pedicure.
We ourselves performed the entire symphony.
You yourself will have to decide.
I bought myself a latte.

Here are the correct versions of the first set of reflexive pronoun examples:

Call Ryan or myself me if you have questions.
Thank you for notifying Claire and myself me about the incident.
My team and myself I are meeting this afternoon.

Using I when it should be me and improperly using myself show that frequent misuse can make erroneous grammar almost sound right.

Don’t fall into the “But everyone says it that way” trap. Know your grammar and adhere to standards that reflect positively on your communication competence.

Want to polish your grammar skills? Kathleen’s book Grammar for People Who Hate Rules is excellent. More info at https://ruthlesseditor.com/grammarbook/

 

Does Word Order Matter? Think “Short to Long”

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by Barbara McNichol

When polishing your sentences, pay attention to the nuances of word order. Yes, it matters!

As someone who has edited more than 350 nonfiction books, to my eye (and ear), placing “short” before “long” works best. This applies to both sentences and lists.

Here’s a simple example from a recent book I edited:

“He was well respected and loved in the academic community.”

I changed it to:

“He was loved and well respected in the academic community.”

Because “loved” is 5 letters and “well respected” is 13, it makes for a smoother read if the longer phrase follows the shorter word. See if you agree.

Another example:

“Good leaders don’t waste time, effort, financial resources, or opportunities.”

This becomes:

“Good leaders don’t waste time, effort, opportunities, or financial resources.” This shift creates a tidy parade of words from short to long.

Word Order in Lists

In addition, a list is visually easier to follow when the line length goes from short to long. This example is from a leadership newsletter:

It would be counterproductive if you:

  • Take the time to plan your day, but you don’t follow the plan.
  • Hire people to do a job but don’t take time training them to do that job.
  • Have slow-moving products in your inventory that generate low margins.
  • Conduct an employee engagement survey and do nothing with the results.
  • Attend a trade show to network with customers but spend your time on the phone.

To get a feel for how adjectives line up best in a sentence, this blog post summarizes it beautifully: http://barbaramcnichol.com/2017/11/02/order-place-adjectives-sentence-explained/

For even more tips, go to http://barbaramcnichol.com/2016/03/06/5-writing-tips-to-improve-your-readability/

Key message: Better writing means paying attention to the best use of word order!

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